“I cannot sleep”

The title is the first line from my favourite poem – but it’s also been distressingly accurate over the last month. While I’ve been getting to sleep just fine (the 3mg melatonin I’ve been prescribed for the last half-decade does the job very well), I kept waking up early. And as my various chronic ailments mean I operate best on an average 9-10 hours sleep? The 7-8 (and occasionally 5-6) I was getting was running me into the ground, and fast.

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Sometimes I get so horny I could bust. And when that happens, a whole lot of orgasms is the result, often for days at a time.

When I’m in this state of being I become very focused on my physical reactions. It’s not to the exclusion of everything else – I’m still going about my life – but it takes so very little for me to be right back there, thinking about the fuck.  This time around I’ve been über-horny for the last ten days or so. My standard routine is to masturbate three or four times a week, with bonus partnered sexual escapades, and the occasional porno DVD or short video. But now I’ve ramped right up – I’m watching multiple clips; wanking two-three times daily (for quite long periods of time) – and I cannot stop thinking about all things sexy.

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Chronic Hope

In my photos you see me smile all the time – and that’s because I’m happy. I love being photographed, I like blogging, and I delight in the wonderful comments of my readers.

But being happy isn’t an easy thing. I am happy, yes, but it is in spite of a whole fuckton lot of things. Of those, three are the biggies, and they are depression, grief, and pain.

None of them are things you can see when you look at me, and see me smiling. But they’re all there, all the time.

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Libido Resurrection Programme™

So, having bemoaned the loss of my libido a wee while back, I am delighted to say that it is now back with a vengeance! Why had it vanished? How did I get it back?

Well, there were a few steps, and I thought I’d share my Libido Resurrection Programme™ for anyone else out there who is also hunting for their missing sex drive. The steps went like this:

Determination & Application

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Libido a-go-go

My libido has disappeared. Again. Has anyone seen it?

I like my libido – I like it a lot! So I make sure I take very good care of it – I pet it and feed it and treat it well and ensure that it gets all the attention it wants. So I am very sad that it’s gone missing.

Yes, I miss my libido. It’s kept me great company for the past 11 years, although there was a whole year before that when it was AWOL. I thought I was the only one that had ever lost their libido before – until I went to Family Planning and was told by a kindly nurse that it happens to most of us at one time or another, and that it would eventually come back. Which was small consolation at the time (for me, or for my boyfriend)… but ultimately it was true.

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The Wettening

The great orgasm drought of 2007 has broken!


This, unsurprisingly, pleases me mightily, as I was getting quite tetchy about my lack of libido. It first disappeared when I came down with a chest infection a few weeks ago, and as the chest infection turned into bronchitis, my libido (along with energy and appetite) disappeared completely. All that time in bed, and no desire for sex – it was a crying shame, which I buried under a tonne of reading and sleeping. Unfortunately for me, while both energy and appetite had returned by the next weekend, my libido malingered … pesky creature!

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Libido Doll

 Oh where, oh where has my libido gone?

Oh where, oh where can it be?

It last was seen a full week back at dawn

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