Conversations With My Owner

Need versus Want

Dee on IM: growls happily 

I am so fucking horny and ready to come.

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Treasured Property

Every January for the last few years, m’Lady and I have worked together on my Title Deed, the document which confirms the owner/property dynamic of our relationship, and the limits we’ve agreed to set upon it. We’ve gone through it, reviewing each section and clause, discussing what’s in the document and what’s not – what we’ve found to work (and not work) over the previous year.

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Placed Around My Neck

Two years ago today, m’Lady placed a collar around my neck. This meant something very special to us both, but we didn’t make a big deal out of it – there was no celebration, no ceremony, no party (there was a lot of fucking, though!). Instead, beforehand we’d talked extensively about whether a D/s dynamic, specifically ownership, was something we both wanted. Before my visit to see eir I’d also arranged to have the collar custom-made by my friend Kiana, and we’d discussed the type of leather to be used, the shape and style, size and width of it.

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State of the Dee

Where did I go?

It’s been weeks since I’ve updated. Given that there’s usually anything between one and four posts a week from me, to go over three weeks without any at all is extremely unusual. The last break I had of any length was actually the end of 2006, when I dropped off the radar for three months – and I wasn’t planning to do that again!

That time, there was no particular reason. This time there was. So, what happened? It started when I went into hospital, in extreme pain - we ran through a bunch of possible diagnoses, ruling out the appendix, kidney and gall stones, and the sacroiliac joint. Every time a new possibility came up, the surgical team, in combination with x-rays and an abdominal MRI, figured out that wasn’t it. And eventually, after three days, they send me home with wicked strong painkillers and orders for bed rest.

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Why Do I Like Being Owned?

I never thought I’d want to be owned. When I first began exploring kink a little over a decade ago I was most comfortable bottoming, and thought of myself as a submissive when I used a label at all. Over time I discovered I enjoyed topping as well – although that primarily expresses itself with Hylas (and occasionally Ailuros). For the most part I found that my relationship energy is different with different people: that Apollo and I am quite comfortable without kink; for Hylas and I the Boss/pet dynamic is integral; and with Dionysos and Adonis I was inherently submissive to them.

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Notes From a Small Cottage

These paragraphs are taken from my paper journal, written over the eight days Apollo and I were on honeymoon in May 2006. They seem to sum up our experience as a whole.

21 May

I’m sitting here with a glass of Chilean Gewürztraminer (given us by Robin, our celebrant), feeling the slight chafe of my ring as I write. There is no sound except my pen, Apollo’s pen, and the occasional startling crackle from the fireplace.

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Every Day, Adoring

Today is a very, very special day. Today is 10 years, to the day, since Apollo and I mutually seduced each other after just a few days of convention flirtation – and that seduction, while never intended to be more than a little fun, turned out to be the start of a very satisfying and marvellous relationship indeed! To celebrate our sexaversary we are whisking ourselves away for three rampant nights in a saucy cottage, because why not?

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Seriously Proud Queer

For a long time I was uncomfortable with the term ‘queer’ – at least when it came to applying it to myself. Despite knowing that many people regard it as an umbrella term for those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, it didn’t feel like it was a label that was right for me.

I’m quite particular about my labels. I really like to have them, with the proviso that I have chosen them myself – and I write them on removable stickers, in pencil! So sure, I’ve plastered myself with pansexual and polyamorous – either of which is enough for various friends to tell me that the label suited me. But I needed to work it through for myself, to see if it was a term I could come to terms with, reconcile to my sense of identity.

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Property Renewal

It’s one year today since m’Lady and I first signed my Title Deed – and I am very pleased to say that we’ve updated and signed a new Title Deed for 2013! As we head into the third year of our relationship, and the second as an explicitly stated owner/property relationship, it’s safe to say that we’re still travelling along a challenging, interesting, and really amazing long-distance journey.

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Garden of Delights

Today is day four of the Seven Wonderful Sins celebration, and the focus today is on ENVY - but with a twist to keep it fun!

Envy is something I generally don’t perceive as wonderful. While I rarely feel jealous, I do occasionally have pangs of envy: wanting to have what they have (without taking it away from them). Which isn’t the greatest feeling in the world. What I am, though, is upfront with myself about how I am feeling and what I’m going to do about it. Intrapersonal communication is just as important as the interpersonal

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