I stretch my arms, and wince as my shoulders ache. I flash back to Monday – kneeling on the bed, arse presented to Helios and head buried in pillows, bracing myself for the unknown, terrifying cane. I remember the tenseness in my arms, trembling as I hold myself upright and ready.
I sit down at my desk, and gasp quietly as the button of my trousers presses against the bitten, bruised flesh of my belly. I flash back to Tuesday – curled in bed with Adonis, conversation turning to kissing turning to violence as he abandons himself to Beast. I revel in the claws and teeth cutting into my skin, and purple bruises bloom in his wake.
I received my first caning today.
Canes scare me, and for a long time have been on the hard limit ‘do not want’ part of my BDSM checklist. But, as with many things that scare me, canes also have the power to intrigue me. When visiting expos and sex shops I’d find myself approaching the canes on display, brushing them gently with my fingertips, feeling their smooth coolness. I’d look upon the different styles, weights, widths and lengths, and all would sing siren songs of pain to me – but I would back away, unwilling to be tempted.
I like to think I’m good at communicating. It’s part of my stock in trade – I enjoy it; I studied it for my degree; I utilise it in my career. It’s more than just opening my mouth and talking; it’s also about phrasing, about listening with an open mind, and about understanding where the other person is coming from.
It’s also incredibly easy to get wrong. I’m not perfect – I’ve fucked things up before in communicating things, and when it does, I feel terrible. And mistakes aren’t something that should be minimised or swept under the table, especially when you’re in polyamorous relationships and there’s impacts on multiple partners.
Despite my online absence over the past few months, (sexy, playful, poly) life has continued apace – and I have entries planned to share the joy with any readers I have left. *grin*
Unfortunately, life has continued without Helios, whom I last saw before Giftmas™. After a short but relatively satisfying play-session in late December we made plans to get in touch in the New Year. In January there were a few phone calls, vague plans to meet for a ‘State of the Nation’ and see how we were doing, and then vacations and family took precedence for him (as they should). But then, then there was no word for well over a month.
It was 4pm and I was sitting naked and blindfolded on the bed, waiting for Helios to arrive. I’d left the front door ajar, knowing that I would hear the click of the gate being opened and the squeak of the door as he let himself in.
So when I heard the gate, and then heard Apollo carol ‘Hello!’ to the house, I knew that things were not going entirely to plan …
Me and my big mouth – it’s been known to get me in trouble before, but backtalking in the middle of my last play session with Helios got me into considerably hotter water than usual. Which was a good thing to learn. A bratty bottom is not a smart thing to be when Helios is in charge.
Allow me to explain:
There are two phrases I’m not permitted to use when subbing to Helios – “thank you” and “sorry”. Which is an excellent challenge, and one I fall down at from time to time (which, naturally, gets me punished). Although I am getting better at remembering not to say them.
I really like my bruises.
I like receiving them. I like being told to present my bottom, and having Helios smack my arse until I cry. I like spending hours with Adonis, building the tension until he bites and claws at my shoulders and neck as I squirm and gasp beneath him. I like relaxed, familiar fucking with Apollo – leaning over him as I ride his cock, watching him suck my breasts intently.
There’s a new Dom in my life – something that makes me very happy, even as my bottom smarts every time I sit! We first met just under a month ago, after chatting online for a week or so (we actually met through collarme, would you believe – turns out that there are some genuine people there amongst all the dreck). And after a few coffee tea dates, much discussion, an opportunity for Apollo to meet and give approval, and negotiation as to the terms of play … well, on Wednesday afternoon we finally had to chance to see if it was actually going to work.