Oh really?

A thoughtful guest-posting from Tethys.

Dee recently shared with me sexgeek‘s awesome posts “words fail” (part 1, part 2). In reading them, it occurred to me how fortunate i am to only now be entering my first relationship involving a core kink dynamic. Over the years i’ve done a fair bit of reading around and about kink; and though i’m surely no expert, i wouldn’t exactly classify myself a neophyte either. So when Dee and i first started talking about our relationship having an o/p dynamic, my first thought was not: “Okay, what’s the Right Way to do this?” but “Okay, how do other people do o/p relationships, and what sort of things will be part of the o/p relationship Dee and i want?”1 For example, Dee and i have discussed how the “Mistress/slave” dynamic doesn’t – for whatever reason – at all resonate with either of us, even though a person who is someone else’s property is indeed often termed as a ‘slave’. Dee calling me her ‘owner’, and me calling her my ‘property’, gets us both hot and flustered in ways that ‘Mistress’ and ‘slave’ don’t.

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Topspace

I’m delighted to introduce another guest post by m’Lady, Tethys.

i’ve read and heard a lot about ‘subspace’ in the context of kink1, but not so much about what i call – and might be generally called, for all i know – ‘topspace’2.

When i’m in topspace, i feel like i’m a rutting beast glowing with power. Whereas i normally prioritise a sexual partner’s needs and desire over my own, in topspace this gets inverted: i care less about what my partner wants than what i want. i’m not in the mood for a slow mutual exploration of desires; what i want, i want now. i want to use my partner as a sexual object to give me pleasure. i want to take what i want and need and don’t really care either way whether my partner is getting pleasure from me doing so. i don’t feel it’s exaggerating to describe it as a type of high. i’m still completely responsive to safewording, but it’s more like a “magic word” which dissipates the topspace, rather than being something i process and respond to in the usual way i respond to language.

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Lease-to-own

I am pleased to introduce a post penned by m’Lady, Tethys.

If you’d told me five years ago that i would find myself in the position of working on creating an owner/property (o/p) relationship with someone, i’d have found the thought perhaps amusing, but not likely. Yet here i am!

It’s only in recent years that i’ve begun to call myself ‘kinky’; i’d not felt comfortable doing so previously due to “kinkier-than-thou” attitudes i’d encountered over the course of a number of years. So i hadn’t been sure that i was kinky enough to call myself ‘kinky’; and even if i was, i didn’t like the idea of being associated with people who seemed to think that being kinky made them so much more sophisticated than, and superior to, everyone else, or that if sex was involved, it wasn’t really kink anymore.

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Debasement

For years, when it came to kink, I was all about the submission. I loved being taken down, tied up, used and marked and roughed up.

But then relationships changed and life altered, and my desire for submission receded, slowly, into the mists. At near the same time I learned, with pleasure, how much fun it was to be the one in charge. To be the one making demands. I was the one able to coax pleasure, pain, and pleasure through pain from someone else.

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Dark Desires

I told him my darkest fantasies …

I would be blindfolded, stripped, and my hands tied together. I would be dragged along, unable to see. I would be taken to a room, where I could hear other people, yet they seem not to hear my pleas.

I would be tied to a table, on my back, with my hands tied above my head. The blindfold would be removed and I could see above me a sign, saying ‘free for use’.

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About Dee

Exhibitionist with words, skin and sex. Free with kisses, compliments, and friendship. Open with heart, passion, and laughter.
Labels I choose for myself: pansexual, polyamorous, fat, kinky, New Zealander, writer.
You can keep my partners and close friends not-mixed-up by reading more about them here.
I write fortnightly for GLBTI magazine Express, for whom I am also the sub-editor. I also write upon occasion for other publications!
If you want to get in touch, send me an email: curvaceous.dee@gmail.com.