Why Do I Like Being Owned?

Posted on | June 6, 2013 | 7 Comments |

I never thought I’d want to be owned. When I first began exploring kink a little over a decade ago I was most comfortable bottoming, and thought of myself as a submissive when I used a label at all. Over time I discovered I enjoyed topping as well – although that primarily expresses itself with Hylas (and occasionally Ailuros). For the most part I found that my relationship energy is different with different people: that Apollo and I am quite comfortable without kink; for Hylas and I the Boss/pet dynamic is integral; and with Dionysos and Adonis I was inherently submissive to them.

Still, the notion of being owned wasn’t something I’d desired or even considered. Then as I got to know Tethys as a person and a partner and our relationship dynamic evolved, I knew that submitting to eir felt right but didn’t feel like enough. Being owned by eir became something I desired, and thus it was something I asked for – which surprised the both of us! It led to a considerable amount of discussion back and forth, culminating in a ‘lease-to-own‘ arrangement.  After meeting in person and figuring out that yes, the both of us really did feel this way, I was collared – another thing I never thought I’d want – and the two of us spent months putting together my first Title Deed (which has since been renewed). And so our long-discussed owner/property relationship became reality.

But it’s not a fairy-tale where we wander off into the sunset with our happily-ever-afters. It’s damned hard work at times – we’ve had miscommunications, challenges, and ‘are you sures?’ more than once. Nevertheless, this is something I desire very much indeed, and something m’Lady wants as well.  The o/p dynamic isn’t the entirety of our relationship – we both agree that we’d still want to be together without it – but it’s very important to both of us.

A small part of a conversation we had last week:

m’Lady: And the more i have been in this dynamic with you, the more i’ve wanted it overall, and the more i’ve wanted it to be an increasingly significant part of our relationship.

m’Lady: Well, what do you get out of it?

Me: Comfort; safety; pride (of being owned and used and cared for so well); stretching (of self); love; loss of inhibitions; lustfulness; the deliberate subsumption of parts of myself as I become property.

m’Lady: So, what do i get out of it? Well ….

m’Lady: i get a buzz/high from the feelings of power involved in your submitting yourself to me like this.

m’Lady: i find it freeing, that i can express parts of myself and my sexuality – such as my sadism – in a explicitly consensual setting.

m’Lady: i feel like i don’t have to spend lots of energy restraining my feelings of lust – both in general and for you in particular – but can instead express them and seek to have them gratified.

Why do I like being owned? Well, that’s why. My owner is one of the most amazing people I know, and I feel so very special and loved to be eir property. I am myself, and yet somehow more than myself. I am the cherished property of m’Lady.

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7 Responses to “Why Do I Like Being Owned?”

  1. Faile
    June 7th, 2013 @ 5:27 pm

    You explain very well how being owned makes you feel and it sounds wonderful. I’m curious though, how does being ‘owned’ work when you’re poly and have other partners?
    Can it impinge on your time with them (and how), or is it entirely separate?

    Faile x

  2. Harper Eliot
    June 8th, 2013 @ 12:24 am

    This is a wonderful explanation and description of how personal and powerful ownership can be. Heart-warming to read.

  3. Heather Cole
    June 8th, 2013 @ 5:57 am

    Thank you for sharing your feelings of being owned! I recently was collared (we also have a contract) and although we’re thrilled with our deepening relationship, neither one of us expected to love and lust so expansively. A couple of my partners were alarmed by my need to be owned. I’m bookmarking this post, because it’s wonderful reading how other owned people feel. xoxo ~Heather

  4. Dee
    June 8th, 2013 @ 2:37 pm

    A good question, Faile, and something that we took into consideration. It’s something we specifically addressed in my Title Deed, and as such looking after my relationships with Apollo and Hylas take precedence over my ownership (as does looking after myself). Other relationships are more relaxed and thus being owned takes precedence over them. However as both m’Lady and I have been poly for over a decade, it’s something that we’re both comfortable discussing and encouraging in each other – we both appreciate the partners the other has, especially with the distance between us.

    Harper, thank you for your lovely comment – and for sharing my post for others to read!

    You’re not the only one with partners who were a tad alarmed, Heather. It was a challenge to describe to my partners just why I was feeling the desire to be owned, when I was still trying to figure it out myself! Two-plus years down the track, and Apollo is still working on it, I think …

    xx Dee

  5. Kraken Architeuthis
    June 9th, 2013 @ 6:25 am

    Beautifully written. The concept of being owned is something I’d like to explore in my erotic writing, it’s not something I can do in real life but it is fascinating to me!

  6. Dee
    June 10th, 2013 @ 9:52 am

    I’d be very interested to see how it manifests in your writing, Kraken!

    xx Dee

  7. Kraken Architeuthis
    June 10th, 2013 @ 5:46 pm

    I have a few ideas. May not be exactly realism-oriented, but could work with some revision. I’ve just come out of a major writer’s block to get almost through a Cthulhu piece that does touch on the theme to an extent… :)


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