Ask Aunty Dee: Anal Play and Buttplugs

Posted on | November 8, 2012 | 6 Comments |

A good friend of mine is getting curious about anal play. He and his partner have experimented a little bit with fingers up his bum (which worked out really well), but now she’s a little unsure about continuing – while he’s definitely wanting to experiment more with those good sensations! So, knowing that I’m a bit of a butt-slut, he came to me for some advice about what toys to try, and how to do so safely.

Which made me happy!

One of the nice things about buttplugs is that if your arms are long enough (or you’re flexible enough) you can play with them yourself. My own solo forays haven’t always been all that successful – I know I prefer it with a partner – but once you’ve got the hang of it, there’s nothing to stop you wearing a plug while you’re having a little solo wank time, as well as working it into your partner-sex repertoire.

Introducing anal play to your relationship

Here are some specifics.  Some may sound like repeats, but they’re all vital, I promise.

  • Take it very slowly. Think you’re going slow enough? Slow down more!
  • Always use lots of lube, and get as messy as you like with it (a towel below will save your sheets). You can’t have too much lube when it comes to anal play. (Better too much than too little, believe me!)
  • Make sure you’ve gone to the loo first. Empty your bladder – and do your best to have a shit. Also, it’s best not to have eaten spicy that day …
  • If you want to have an enema or douche first, that’s okay. It’s not obligatory, though. Some people feel more relaxed if they’ve had one – some people get off on having one.
  • The first few times you’re playing anally, it’s better to stick to fingers (this can be you touching yourself, or your partner touching you). Make sure the nails are short and smooth, and wear gloves if you’re more comfortable with that. Apply lube to the anal area and to your fingers/hands, then touch around the outside of the anus, circling the pucker and teasing the entrance. Enter a little way (gently!) and let the area get used to the intrusion.
  • Pay attention to your reactions. Make sure you’re giving your partner verbal feedback so she knows how you’re doing.
  • Make sure that everything moves slowly. Anything that’s inserted, insert slowly. Anything that’s removed, remove slowly. If you’re turning a finger or a toy inside yours anus, turn it slowly. There are a lot of nerves in the anal area and they’ll all be sensitised by this.

Moving onto buttplugs

 When you feel ready to move onto toys, you may wish to experiment on your own to get used to the sensations, or you and your partner may want to do all your experimentation together. Both ways are fun. Just remember that not every experiment is necessarily going to be a success – but it’s well worth trying again on a different night.
  • Make sure any toy you are going to put in your arse has a flared (wide) base.  Buttplugs are designed this way, as are many dildos. However not all toys are – and a lot of what you see in porn is not safe toy insertion. Using a toy with a flared-based is essential, as the intestines are not a closed system – you don’t want to lose a toy up there and have to explain it to the hospital Emergency Department staff…
  • Lube lube lube! Apply it mostly to the tip of the buttplug, then circling it down the toy. Don’t put in on the base, or it’ll be too slippery to hold.
  • If it makes you more comfortable, put a condom on the toy. But if the plug is made from medical-grade silicone or from glass then it is able to be sterilised. Just so you know.
  • You may need to try out different positions. This can vary from person to person and from toy to toy. The most simple are on hands and knees with your butt in the air; and on your back with your knees raised (sometimes with a pillow beneath the upper bottom).
  • Communication remains really important. You and your partner will need to work together to get the angle of insertion right (often it’s not possible to see what you’re doing at this point!).
  • Make sure the insertion goes really slowly. Different plugs are shaped differently – but the majority are slim are the tip and then increase in size.
  • Move at the speed that you, as the partner being penetrated, are comfortable with.  Breathing deeply, combined with gentle pressure on the exhale, may be helpful for easing the plug in.
  • Once the plug is in place, you may feel like you need to poop. If you’ve already been to the loo beforehand (and/or had an enema), you’ll be less stressed at this point. That said, if the feeling persists or is really strong, it may be a good idea to remove the plug and go to the bathroom.
  • When you’ve had enough and want the plug removed, or pulled back, make sure it’s done slowly.
  • Keep the lube handy! Reapply if the plug starts to stick, or isn’t moving as easily.
The anus doesn’t retain the stretching it receives from play (you’re not going to get flappy), so each time you approach anal play you’ll need to warm up again. That means fingers, small toys, and then moving on to larger toys or hands if you want!

Recommended products

I’ve tried and used a lot of different lubes and buttplugs over the years. These are the ones I recommend (please note, these are all available in New Zealand, where my friend is based).
For anal play, silicone lubricant is fantastic stuff – it doesn’t need frequent reapplication, and is marvellously slippery! The best silicone lubricant I’ve found – and the one I always use – is Pjur Original Bodyglide. Things to note:
  • Don’t spill this on your lino! Or the carpet. Or anywhere really.
  • This is only to be used with fingers/hands/glass toys.
  • It is entirely safe to use with condoms, and for vaginal intercourse as well as anal.
  • Never use a silicone lubricant with a silicone toy – the two interact in a very not-good way, and the toy will be destroyed.
  • It’s great fun for play in the shower, as well, as water doesn’t wash it away (although soap does).
If you’re going to use a silicone toy, or you’d just rather be safe than sorry, stick to a water-based lubricant. The one that lives by my bed is a big pump bottle of ID Lube Glide (you can get smaller sizes). This is a great lube that isn’t too thick, isn’t too thin – it’s just right. Things to note:
  • More versatile than silicone lubricant. Safe for use with silicone toys, and everything else.
  • Will need to be reapplied more often.
  • If you’re using the pump bottle, pump gently or you’ll get lube on the wall!
Because I worked for D.VICE when I was starting my anal explorations, I purchased and use/d the D.VICE silicone buttplugs (which come with a 10-year guarantee).  I still recommend them – and the prices are pretty darn good!  Both Hylas and I own and use a lot of their plugs and dildos – their stuff is quality, 100% silicone, and well worth owning.
(For those of you not in NZ or Australia, where D.VICE has stores and an online presence – they do ship overseas. And I believe some international shops stock their products as well.)
  • Their smallest, beginners plug is the Pendant. And it is dinky! Because at the tip it’s smaller than a little finger, the anus adjusts pretty swiftly.
  • From there, it’s up to the Jewel – you’ve seen that in quite a lot of my photos (like here). It’s quite easy to wear, and very comfortable. The nice thing about their plugs is the shaped base, which nestles quite comfortably between my cheeks. It does grab my arse hairs after a while though!
  • The next one up from that is the Gem, which is very slightly larger again. I have one of those now too :)
Anal beads, or similar, are also fun. There are some really cheap nasty ones out there – anything where you can feel a seam should be avoided! The nice thing about beads is you can insert as few or as many as you are comfortable with.
Not everyone is comfortable experimenting with glass. Personally, it’s one of my favourite materials for sex toys – as long as it’s a solid product, made of quality glass and not chipped or cracked, go for it!  The main thing to remember with glass (or metal) is that unlike silicone, there is no give. Your body has to make way for it, not the other way around. For anal play, that can be challenging.
  • Glass Ripple Dildo with Anal Beads – this is a nice combination of glass, beads and toy. Not too big, not too small. It can also be twisted once inserted, although being smooth glass just creates a slithering sensation.
  • Glass Twirl Buttplug. This once is probably a bit advanced – but it’s a wonderfully intense feeling once you’re using it! Hylas and I simply call it ‘The Crank’, because I slowly turn that handle … and send him to the moon!
I hope all of that helps, friend o’ mine. The main things to keep in mind is that this should be fun, should not hurt, and should be a great experience for the both of you!  Given time, you may well end up over here with us other butt-sluts, arse-bandits, and anal-fiends … or you may just enjoy the occasional foray into rear-end territory :)
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6 Responses to “Ask Aunty Dee: Anal Play and Buttplugs”

  1. Conina
    November 8th, 2012 @ 1:08 pm

    Awesome, very very good guide for beginning anal play, regardless of sex. I especially like the recommendations. :)

  2. Natalie
    November 9th, 2012 @ 7:12 pm

    My bf wanted some action down there but I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to disappoint him but I’m afraid something bad might happen. Thanks for the tips, that made shone a light on some parts when it comes to anal play.

  3. Carol Anne Caiafa
    November 10th, 2012 @ 7:04 am

    “…how he looks, go for him!”

    They’re GENDERING sex toys now?

    In that case, where are the ones that are exclusively female, because I want THOSE!

    I was recommended to try ordering a tentacle toy from a site called Bad Dragon, but sadly I won’t be ordering anything from them because they call their toys “him”. If male toys are available, that’s fine if you want those, but what if you don’t? Sex toy retailers need to know that women are a large part of the market and not all of them are drawn to maleness. I almost feel like sending these companies some feedback about how they’ve put me off purchasing from them due to their insistence on heteronormativity, but I’m hesitant to do so as they do so much good work.

  4. Carol Anne Caiafa
    November 10th, 2012 @ 7:29 am

    I’d just like to add – if you are using Probe lubricants – shower thoroughly afterwards. Very good during play but they cling like WTF afterwards! <3

  5. Mitsu
    November 10th, 2012 @ 11:24 am

    Nice little guide! I am on a personal quest for the perfect butt plug. So far, the Njoy Pure Plug in large comes close – it’s stainless steel. I’m ready for something bigger, though… I’ve got one on the way & will be documenting 😉 Also I might write a tutorial on dry enemas, as they are AWESOME.

  6. Dee
    November 13th, 2012 @ 2:22 pm

    Conina, I’m glad you liked the recommendations! I’ve purchased from all over the world, if you want something that’s easier to get closer to wherever you happen to live, feel free to email me privately.

    Natalie, go at the speed you’re comfortable with. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want, okay?

    Carol Anne, I know what you mean about the Probe Lubricant! I don’t have that issue with the ‘Silky Light’, but ‘Thick Rich’ is very clingy indeed. Also, I tend not to gender my toys at all – to me they’re tools, and my tools are genderless – so I’m with you that it’s annoying when a company does. That said, all companies (should) appreciate feedback! I would send them a diplomatically worded letter, letting them know what you’re unhappy about.

    Mitsu, that Pure Plug sounds awesome! And I am very curious to read about dry enemas, as I don’t know anything about them. I definitely want to know more, now :)

    xx Dee


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