This article was originally printed in the January 2012 issue of Cosmopolitan (Australia / New Zealand), sealed section – my first professional publication! See the image below to read it as it was in the magazine. However, I prefer the version with the words unasterisked, and with my original usage of cunt, rather than vagina, so you can read that here as well.
I should tell you, before we go any further, that my first threesome wasn’t awesome. It was good – they were excellent kissers, the oral was great, and there were orgasms for all involved – but it wasn’t what you’d call awesome.
Why not? It took me some thinking to figure that out. It wasn’t awesome because they didn’t laugh – they were so serious about it! They were serious about meeting me, dating me, and then serious about seducing and sleeping with me. I’m using to sex being silly and funny and occasionally disastrous, and all, ‘Hey, look at the squishy bits,’ and ‘What’s that funny noise?’. There was none of that.
So. My serious couple. We met through a dating site, a few months after I’d gotten out of a hideous, emotionally abusive relationship. I’d taken some time out to figure out what I wanted, and I was now going after it. I was after experimentation – and lots of it!
After they contacted me, we messaged back and forth and agreed to meet at a cafe. They were so lovely – both to look at and to talk to. She was from New Caledonia, he was from France; they had delicious accents and beautiful skin that tanned just as well as mine didn’t.
We had plenty to talk about, too. Music and food, experiences and desires. So we quickly planned to go on another date. To a cheese festival, of all things.
Cheese, it turns out, is a good way to seduce me. Cheese, and then putting me between the two of them on the sofa and them taking turns kissing me. Taking me to the bedroom and undressing me, and then themselves. Complimenting my curves, and comparing my pale skin to their contrasting tans. Yes, as it turns out, seducing me with cheese is definitely a good move.
So my serious couple took me to bed, and we had sex. It was pretty great. I learned that I really love to watch other people being intimate: to see them kiss and touch and fuck and encourage each other to orgasm. I had the great pleasure of going down on her and burying my face in the delicious aromas of her cunt. Being fucked from behind as I did so just added to the experience. Then I sucked my juices from his cock, before snuggling in next to her and fondling her gently as he fucked her to a slow, rolling orgasm.
Good sex. Good threesome. But … not awesome.
Still, as my first threesome, they hold a special place in my fantasies and my memory. I learnt from them. Partly what I want more of (threesomes, watching others be intimate and sharing that intimacy) but, most importantly, I learned what I can’t have successful sex without. I need to have fun. If there’s no laughter, I’m not doing it right.