When I posted my recently about my Title Deed, and my Owner/property relationship with Tethys, the lovely Amie Wee was a tad perplexed. Nothing wrong with that – if you’d told me eighteen months ago that I’d choose to be owned by someone, I’d have scoffed!
So she asked me some really good questions, and I thought I’d devote a post to answering them. I hope they will prove interesting to you, dear readers. Italics are by Amie.
Firstly, congrats. Secondly, I have questions because I can’t imagine ever wanting to own or be owned by anyone, so my questions come purely from a place of curiousness.
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Why? Because we really wanted it, and it felt like the right thing for our relationship. There was definitely a sexual power-dynamic between us, and we wanted to formalise it in a way that wasn’t phrased as Master/slave or Dom/sub (or Boss/pet, for that matter). So we hunted for the words that felt right for us.
What differs this from a marriage, other than the physical?
This relationship doesn’t feel anything at all like a marriage to me (in fact, your question threw me for a loop when I read it, because I was so surprised anyone would even ask that!). I suspect because the Title Deed looks legal-like you’re thinking of it as a legal arrangement like marriage is, but this is not. We did want to signify our seriousness – hence the deed. As for how it is different from a marriage? Well for me and Apollo, marriage (or in our case, civil union) is about co-operation and making a life together. Whereas my relationship with Tethys is instead about hir taking care of hir property (i.e.: me), and me doing as my Owner wishes. Which is in some respects a lot like older-style marriage arrangements – but we are considerably more up-front about it!
How will this affect your other relationships?
Finishing the Title Deed doesn’t actually make any difference to my other relationships. The day after the deed was no different than the day before! But my overall relationship with m’Lady has caused some small alterations in my relationships. A (mostly amusing) one is that Hylas sometimes teases me by ‘threatening’ to call Tethys on me. And if I’m on orgasm denial I can provide pleasure for my partners but not have orgasms of my own – luckily I am fairly good at controlling my orgasmic response, but both Apollo and Hylas like to push me on that one…
Does it make it any more important?
I presume you’re asking if it makes my relationship with Tethys more important than my other relationships? Definitely not, and we’ve been really careful to state that in the Title Deed itself. Because the order of the rules is also the importance of the rules, the top rule takes precedence over any further down, and the second rule takes precedence over any rule save the top rule, etc.
So the most important rule is that (paraphrasing) I must care for myself. And the second most important is that I care for my relationships with Apollo and Hylas. In fact, the first four rules are all about caring for me (as the property) and my other relationships – it’s not until the fifth rule that we get to my relationship with Tethys at all!
Can you only ever be owned by 1 person?
I have no desire whatsoever to be owned by anyone else. Theoretically, I imagine I could be. Practically, I don’t think I’d want to be. And while I like m’Lady’s other partners very much, I don’t see any of them wanting to be part of owning me!
Are all your relationships equal? Does this make your relationship with Lexi rival any of the others?
All of my relationships are different. They’re not equal – but they’re not unequal either! Apollo, Hylas and Tethys are the most important day-to-day and in my heart, and I think of them all as my partners, with their own titles: husband, pet, and owner. I speak to all of them daily in some way, shape or form. But I have other lovers, and they’re important in their own ways as well.
Do you have to ask Lexi before you get new lovers?
I don’t have to ask Tethys this any more than I ask any of my other partners. Which means I do what I always do – kiss whomever I like, but if I like someone as a potential more-than-kissing friend, I blather on to everyone in my life about them anyway, introduce them to one or more of my partners (usually Apollo, but not always), get myself and them tested, and then go for it. I’ve been working through this exact process with Ailuros recently.
If I did have to ask Tethys, it would be one of the rules on the Title Deed. But it’s not.
Why is ownership necessary for Lexi?
It’s not that ownership was necessary for Tethys, so much that wanting to be owned by hir was necessary for me! It was a yearning that I had, very strongly. So we explored that, and this is what resulted.