Ocean hugs

Posted on | November 10, 2011 | 9 Comments |

So my brother died a year ago today. I’ve spend most of the week feeling very up and down – but by the time today came around, it went great, because I got the best hugs I could ask for: his.

I drove out to Te Henga (aka Bethell’s Beach) this morning, which is where we scattered his ashes. It’s mid-Spring here, and west coast beaches are known for being blustery and wild at the best of times. Today was no exception. Didn’t stop me getting right out into the water in my togs and saying hi. Granted, I only went in a very little way and knelt in the surf – but the greeting was strong enough to knock me over more than once!

Did you know oceans could hug? I didn’t before today. But he was there, in that ocean. Every surge of surf had meaning, and we had a full-on conversation. I cried a bit. Laughed some. Sang, even (and I am not the world’s best singer – I got laughed at by my brother-the-ocean for that one, and knocked over again. Water up my nose!). Ultimately, I felt like I had seen him in the flesh to tell him I love him. Because I got to tell him how much I’ve missed him. I caught him up on everything: family, lovers, Apollo’s driving, my impending trip to Melbourne, my migraines, the lot.

Eventually, finally, I had to go. But now I know he’s scattered everywhere.  He is Te Henga. Te Henga is him. He is my brother the ocean, whose hugs are strong again.


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9 Responses to “Ocean hugs”

  1. Elegant Slut
    November 11th, 2011 @ 1:26 am

    This post made me smile so much. That was truly a wonderful hug.

    Thinking of you Dee.


  2. Fred
    November 11th, 2011 @ 9:56 am

    Perusing the inter webs and the blogs every so often I come across a blog entry that stops me in my tracks and I just sit here thinking about it.
    This is just such an entry.
    Thinking about you Dee …

  3. impy
    November 11th, 2011 @ 9:53 pm

    <3 Thinking of you xxx

  4. Serafina
    November 12th, 2011 @ 6:49 am

    I feel for you and feel some of the pain you bear. I have not lost a sibling, but I have lost a child to a drinking car-full of people. No good-byes. Then my ex went crazy and managed to alienate my 3 other children so that they hate me for what he says I did. I lost an aunt who was more dear than my own mother this past year and my Master lost his mom this year too. death is so difficult. . . and I am so sorry.
    I wish there was a way to avoid that pain. . . hugs to you, Dee.. . xxx

  5. Dee
    November 12th, 2011 @ 8:20 am

    Elegant Slut, it was so lovely to see a comment from you – it’s nice to know you’re still reading! *hugs and smiles*

    I’m still thinking about the experience myself, Fred. I’ve never had anything like that with the sites of my parent’s ashes (scattered under/around trees and plants – but then, those do grow slowly), or those of anyone else. But this was very real, and I am still absorbing it.

    *hugs impy*

    Serafina, I don’t love my pain, but I am glad to have experienced the growth that has come from it. Still, I am very sorry to hear of yours – I wish I could lift some of your burdens.

    xx Dee

  6. Roz
    November 12th, 2011 @ 5:20 pm

    Such a beautiful post.

  7. Dee
    November 12th, 2011 @ 9:06 pm

    Thanks Roz. *hugs*

    xx Dee

  8. viemoira
    November 16th, 2011 @ 2:35 pm

    I am glad you were able to have time with him- this is so very beautiful! :)

  9. Dee
    November 17th, 2011 @ 8:14 am

    Thank you vie! *hugs*

    xx Dee


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