What makes me a woman?
Posted on | July 9, 2011 | 26 Comments | Previous Post Next Post
What makes me a woman?
Is it because I have a cunt? No, that can’t be right. Buck Angel has a cunt, and he’s very definitely a man!
Is it because I have the potential to create life inside me? It’s not that either. I’ve been sterilised, so no babies are growing in this womb. And sperm makes life just as much as eggs do.
Is it because I have boobs? Well that’s just silly. Tethys has boobs, and a cock as well. Mmmm.
Is it because I wear make-up? If so I’m only a woman a few times a year! And Tim Minchin is a woman every night…
Is it because I shave under my arms? But I don’t – I have wonderful fur under there, all silky and soft.
Is it because I don’t have hair on my chin? But I do! It’s not my favourite body hair, granted, but it’s very determined to grow.
Is it because I have long hair on my head? My hair style currently is shorter than Apollo’s, than Hylas’, and than Adonis’. So it’s not that.
Is it because I wear satin and lace and pretty underthings? Everyone who wants to wear pretty lingerie should be able to do so. More than one of my lovers does so quite often! Me, I’m in cotton a good 50% of the time, because I like how it feels.
Is is because I am attracted to men? Well, I do like the cock, but cocks can come on women. And I like the cunt, and cunts can come on men. Mostly, I like the people first, and the genitalia second. Hooray for being pansexual!
Is it because I read romance books? Depends on how you define romance. I have more erotica, more science fiction, more non-fiction, more fantasy, more thriller, more comics, and more mysteries. But there’s some romance in there, I guess. And Apollo reads them too.
Is it because I am a slut? Silly! Sluts can be of any gender at all.
Is it because I can be raped? Well, I can. But anyone can be raped, unfortunately. Gender makes no difference there.
Is it because I write with ‘a woman’s voice’? Apparently not. The Gender Genie picked my writing as ‘male’ more often than ‘female’, over 5 blog posts.
Is it because I have periods? When I had the Mirena IUD, I didn’t bleed for five years. In a decade or so when I go through menopause, I won’t bleed. It won’t change my gender.
Is it because other people label me as a woman when they look at me? I don’t know. Is it? It’s a pretty poor reason, if so. Jiz Lee (breasts and cunt) isn’t a woman. Hylas (long hair and pretty underthings) isn’t a woman. So why am I?
It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street. But what is the answer? What makes me a woman?
I do have one answer. So far as I am concerned, it’s the only answer:
I am a woman because I have chosen to identify as one.
And that’s all that matters, really.
Written for the Gender Celebration Blog Carnival, with the theme ‘Living Gender‘. Go check out the rest!
Comments
26 Responses to “What makes me a woman?”
Leave a Reply
About Dee
I love choosing which labels to wear. Some of them right now are fat, poly, pansexual, civilly unioned, kinky, kiwi, switch, slutty, exhibitionistic - and happy!
Want to know about the people I mention? The Curvaceous Cast is here for just that reason.
Want to get in touch? Email me: curvaceous.dee AT gmail DOT com.
Quality – That’s me!
Blogroll
Statistics
Pressing Buttons
Copyright
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 New Zealand License.
July 10th, 2011 @ 5:15 am
I love this. Thank you.
July 10th, 2011 @ 5:45 am
Very thought provoking post, I like this. And boy does it really make that whole past-generation saying “…..that’s not very ladylike!” a load of hooey. But wtf do they know. I think that this revelation that gender is in your brain is new. I mean it’s old, but yet…it’s new. At least to us, and Americans in particular.
July 10th, 2011 @ 7:12 am
Very thought provoking post. I often wonder the same thing. Even though as I present as very FEMME, I find I feel “masculine” sometimes this means being dominant (which is also another discussion how masculinity translates to dominance) but also because I love having a strap-on cock! Thanks for posting and all the links
July 10th, 2011 @ 6:02 pm
Thank you all for your responses
Hylas said to me, once he’d read the draft of this post: “The question then becomes ‘how or why have you chosen to identify as a woman?’” Which is a good deal more complex to answer – and leads me to wonder why we (the generic ‘we’) feel the need for gender identities at all!
xx Dee
July 10th, 2011 @ 9:06 pm
I never “chose” to identify as a woman; but I know exactly what you mean.
Personally I’m woman because, well, I just am.
(Although I have a lot of loved, cherished and nurtured masculine facets; but often they are all the more fun for coming from my female self.)
July 11th, 2011 @ 5:16 am
I like the question that Hylas presented to you. Of course you are right that it is very complicated to answer. Thanks for this post and for participating in the Carnival. You always have something clever to say.
July 11th, 2011 @ 8:37 am
LGS, I’m inclined to say the same thing. I am ’cause I am. But I’m sure there’s probably more to it than that … I just need to figure out what it is!
Ellie, thank you so much for setting up this carnival. It’s been awesome to participate.
xx Dee
July 11th, 2011 @ 5:59 pm
Estrogen! That is why I am a woman. I’m also lacking a Y chromosome.
July 12th, 2011 @ 4:36 am
Excellent post Dee!
~viemoira
July 12th, 2011 @ 9:24 am
Cereal Stray, that assumes that ‘woman’ is purely biological, due to the hormones and chromosomes. I really don’t think it is that simple.
Thanks, vie!
xx Dee
July 12th, 2011 @ 9:55 am
I’d like to think it wasn’t that simple but frankly, if they sucked out my estrogen and pumped me full of testosterone, I’d grow penis, chest hair and lose my ability to communicate almost immediately.
I imagine intersex people should enter into the debate somewhere however?
July 14th, 2011 @ 8:30 pm
This is great. Thank you for writing this. Was it perhaps inspired by my comments on The Lady Garden?
When I say this is great, however, it pissed me off that people only seem to listen to things like this when they are said by cis women, like you.
When a trans woman, like me, say them, I get ignored.
Still, it’s good that you wrote this.
Thanks.
July 15th, 2011 @ 12:19 pm
Dee, the “claimed identity” definition is problematic because it closes off debate and ignores motivations. Which creates backlash, like the MWMF “has realistic female genitals” nonsense, and empowers trolls and idiots playing the “you have to let me in, I identify as a woman” card.
Remember, if we have to disregard all the hints from biology and behaviour in favour of only using identity, the only way to tell is by asking what that identity is. You’re ruling out things like a T shirt saying “I am a woman” because that’s just an outward physical trapping.
I prefer the “walks like a duck” approximation, subject to later self-identification. Partly for pragmatic reasons as identity is something I have to ask about and that gets tedious (and some people find it offensive). I suspect Scar would react badly to being asked whether she identifies as a woman, despite her comments above.
July 15th, 2011 @ 5:16 pm
Scar, thank you for commenting. My post wasn’t directly inspired by your comments over on TLG, although it was definitely part of the swirl that percolated in my brain before writing. I take your point well that writing about this issue and others is often only noted when said by a cis-woman, however I do feel strongly it needs saying regardless.
Moz, I am inclined to take ‘claimed identify’ as the primary way of identifying, with other trappings then adding to that definition. I identify as a woman, and that should be enough. It helps that I have chromosonal, biological, hormonal and social indicators that agree with my definition of self – but identify, IMO, should be the first step.
(And re the MWMF, I strongly disagree with their requirement that only WBW can attend. But that’s a whole different kettle.)
xx Dee
July 15th, 2011 @ 5:43 pm
Cereal, your second comment was remarkably offensive, not to mention full of stereotypes. If I was pumped full of testosterone I’d still be a woman, because I choose to identify as one. I wouldn’t ‘grow a penis’ (although my clitoris would enlarge). I already have chest hair. And I would still be able to both speak and write, not to mention communicate non-verbally.
Buck Angel is an excellent example of a ‘lacking Y chromosome’ person who is indeed pumped full of testosterone. I strongly recommend you read up on him.
It sounds to me, based upon your comments here, that you are short of knowledge about these issues. They have been written about by trans and intersex people elsewhere online, rather extensively, and I recommend you do some self-education before commenting further here.
July 16th, 2011 @ 9:09 am
Dee, after all my years of living and working with femme boys, butch girls and unhappy trannies, I’ve learnt one thing about the gender debate…your best bet is just to crack a joke and move on! It is fraught.
I am woman because I have estrogen. That’s all. If it was taken away I would change. YOU (or anyone else) can be woman (or man or martian) for whatever reason works for you.
I know, terrible to make light of an issue so many hold dear.
July 17th, 2011 @ 6:32 pm
This entry makes me want to squee- so wonderfully written and yes, we are women because we chose to identify as women
Honestly, I’ve never heard it being put in a better way than that. Gender identity is a massive spectrum I’ve found and no, there is no black and white to it. I will admit that early on in my life, due to not knowing the ins and outs of what a transperson goes through, the concept of having genitalia different to the gender identity was a bit beyond me (ie, my frame of mind was ‘Well, if you’re going to identify as something, you’d go the whole hog wouldn’t you?’) however looking at people like Buck Angel and even Tethys who are proud of what they have is inspiring and shows that gender identity goes far beyond genes and chromosomes.
Have you read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides? I’m reading it right now and it is fantastic- such a heartwarming story that deals with this issue beautifully.
xx MM
July 18th, 2011 @ 2:38 pm
Thank you
July 19th, 2011 @ 11:15 am
MM, your comment was awesome and much appreciated! I haven’t read Middlesex, but thanks to your recommendation I am going to pick up a copy.
Mistress160, you’re very welcome.
xx Dee
July 19th, 2011 @ 7:02 pm
Cereal, your use of ‘trannies’ is offensive. It is a slur. Do not use it if you are not trans.
Also, you might try working with some happy trans PEOPLE, there are a lot of us out there.
Your entire argument is bunk. Hormones do not make someone a man or woman, else all women post menopause have no gender, likewise trans women and men who don’t take hormonal treatment are not really their chosen gender.
In the words of 7 of 9: “This is offensive.”
(also irrelevant, and unacceptable)
July 20th, 2011 @ 5:20 am
Wonderful post, and wonderful defense of your standpoint. I’m also of the belief that self-identification trumps all. As for that being difficult for others to understand, that’s not my immediate problem.
I have breasts, a cunt, have been pregnant twice and given birth once and my driver’s license says I’m female. That doesn’t tell the whole picture for me, however. Despite all that, I know I am also a man and no amount of clinical testing is going to convince me otherwise. People who don’t get it, don’t get it, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
And I love that t-shirt graphic
July 26th, 2011 @ 8:27 am
Kyle, I think you hit the nail with this ‘ People who don’t get it, don’t get it, but that doesn’t make it any less real.’ So true!
xx Dee
September 19th, 2011 @ 9:26 am
definitely makes sense as an answer. it is the choice to identify as a woman that makes you a woman.
just like it’s the desire to be a singer that makes you a singer, or anything else.
nice article…
September 19th, 2011 @ 1:14 pm
Thanks for reading and commenting sam. I really do think that only choosing to own a label makes that label stick.
xx Dee
October 13th, 2011 @ 9:53 am
I love this post. Choosing your sex, very interesting concept!
October 15th, 2011 @ 8:59 am
Thanks for commenting Nathan – I’m glad people are still finding this post and finding it interesting!
xx Dee