Debasement

Posted on | April 14, 2011 | 10 Comments | Previous Post Next Post

For years, when it came to kink, I was all about the submission.  I loved being taken down, tied up, used and marked and roughed up.

But then relationships changed and life altered, and my desire for submission receded, slowly, into the mists. At near the same time I learned, with pleasure, how much fun it was to be the one in charge. To be the one making demands. I was the one able to coax pleasure, pain, and pleasure through pain from someone else.

My desire to dominate hasn’t gone – I adore being Hylas’ Boss, and doing as I please (with consent) to my pet. But my desire to submit has returned over the last few months, with great force. Because another relationship has formed, with Tethys. And it’s different, again, from all the others.

I want – I really want – to be owned by hir. I want to be used. I want the pleasure I feel to be pleasure at hir pleasure. To know that the debasement I receive (with greedy delight) is what appeals to hir, rather than just to me.

Zie and I talk about this a lot. About how things would be when I visit. Days spent in a hotel room with me naked,  kept around entirely for hir pleasure.  Whether I am posed in the corner or roped across a table, I’m just a collection of body parts to be fondled, holes to be fucked. A throat to be filled. A cunt to be stretched wide. An arse to be plundered. They all belong to hir, so they’re hirs to use at will.

I shudder with delight during those conversations. The notion of willingly giving my autonomy over, being property, ignored or used at pleasure, makes my cunt throb and my breath shorten.

And then there are the fantasies. Long and detailed discussions about sharing me out. Lent at hir pleasure, with strange cocks in my holes, come on my flesh, cunt on my tongue. A party favour. After-dinner entertainment. A piece of fuck-furniture to be utilized during conversation.

Tethys teases me at hir pleasure over chat, giving me tasks to do. I try to keep my voice professional as I make calls at work, the whole time aware that there is a vibe teasing my clit through my underwear. I watch porn clips for hours at home, unable to touch myself or orgasm. I write posts glorying in my desire to be hir slut, my cunt a plaything for hir pleasure. I come when allowed to, and thank hir for it.

One of the great delights is to take photos of myself wanking, and email them. Knowing that I am photographing an orgasm that I’m only having because I’ve received permission adds to the intensity. Knowing that I’ve wanted to touch myself for hours before that point adds to the wetness. Knowing that I am using my hands only as proxy makes me spurt, hard, cunt spasming around my hand. Knowing that these photos are requested, and will be seen shortly, makes me come harder and longer than usual.

Sometimes, receiving a text in the early hours where zie tells me what zie’s been watching and wanking to, I reply asking permission to wank myself. Permission granted, a description of how I would be used given, I shudder quietly next to Apollo, fingers pressing and pinching and teasing. Thinking of being taken, right there in the dark. At hir pleasure.

I want to be owned, by Tethys, for hir pleasure. And it will be my pleasure, too.

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