10 Things I’ve Done That You Probably Have Not

Posted on | December 20, 2010 | 11 Comments |

Taking an idea from John Scalzi and running with it – because I can!

For the hell of it, I’m listing these in reverse chronological order (five and nine both listed by starting dates).

1: Been outdoors in the central city wearing nothing but body paint.

2: Shined Buck Angel’s boots. Topless.

3: Fallen off a mechanical bull after only one second.

4: Organised an orgy in my living room.

5: Lived with a chronic, never-ever-goes-away migraine for over 5 years (and counting).

6: Cuddled with Apollo and watched the sun rise, whilst sitting on the end of the wharf at Maraetai.

pohutukawa maraetai

7: Taken a late 1800’s hard-covered Hebrew and Chaldee Lexicon to be re-bound, after it was gifted to me by a friend who killed himself.

8: Been thrown out of a Wendy’s™ restaurant for discussing fisting.

9: Spoken at my father’s, mother’s, and brother’s funerals.

10: Had my first piece of writing (poetry) published and paid for when I was thirteen.

What about you? Tell me what you’ve done in your own lists (or what you’ve done that’s also on mine). If you want clarification on any of these, just ask!

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11 Responses to “10 Things I’ve Done That You Probably Have Not”

  1. shane
    December 20th, 2010 @ 10:01 pm

    My list:
    1,Been 0ver 300km/h on public roads

    2,Qualified for 3 very different trades

    3,Proposed in a bath tub :p (without being shot down)

    4,Owned 6 motorbikes and three cars at one time

    5,Made home made explosives to blow stuff up

    6,Handmade a stainless steel & paua shell wedding cake knife

    7,Built up a collection of 600ish books

    8,Dressed up in a bird suit for a job

    9,Sailed around part of the coromandel on my own yacht

    10,Had a girl bragging about sleeping with me….. and she never did :p

    That’s my list, fairly tame.. but then that’s who I am 😀

  2. Dee
    December 20th, 2010 @ 10:07 pm

    I’ve only done one of the things on your list, Shane – my book collection is well past 600 (and that’s just my books. Add in Apollo’s and we’re over the 3000 mark)!

    xx Dee

  3. Wendy Blackheart
    December 21st, 2010 @ 5:36 am

    Actually, I not only fell off a mechanical bull after one second, but on my second go, I was flung off so violently and landed so awkwardly (on my, you know, neck) that I got rushed to the emergency room.

    I learned 1) Never skip Medical Microbiology class to go to free fairs on campus that involve free mechanical bull rides and
    2) A denim semi- mini skirt and tights do not make the best ‘mechanical bull riding’ outfit in any universe, ever.

    As for my top ten list. Hrm. I’d have to think about that. How about top five?

    1)Embalmed and helped embalm approximately 200 people.

    2)Gotten a pottery tool lodged through my hand when I was seven. Pulled it out. Told no one for three days after.

    3)Gotten to teach fisting classes. (though, I have a better chance of that one not matching anyone else in vanilla land)

    4)Took some semi nude photos on one of those quarter horses in the grocery store at 3am.

    5)I accidentally pepper sprayed myself in the face. It hurts lots. FYI – Don’t use water to clean up, that just spreads the doom around. Use milk.

  4. Dee
    December 21st, 2010 @ 11:19 am

    Ow, Wendy. Ow!

    Also, additional ows for the pottery tool and the pepper spray. The fisting teaching is awesome though :)

    xx Dee

  5. Wendy Blackheart
    December 21st, 2010 @ 11:31 am

    I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes that, surprisingly, make for good stories.

    Apropos of your recent tumblr post, I give you this comic


  6. Gabe
    December 21st, 2010 @ 6:04 pm

    If I ever get over there, can I organize an orgy in your living room too?

  7. ménage-a-moi
    December 22nd, 2010 @ 1:05 am

    1. Set my shirt on fire by way of a humble light-bulb. In a backpackers’ in Rotovegas, at 2am. I was not popular.

    2. Was once hit by a parked car. It takes a special kind of stupid…

    3. Nearly tore a muscle in my groinal area after getting launched from a hydroslide.

    4. Set up a home-made waterslide in the shape of a strip of black polyurethane on the front lawn on a hot summer’s day… that terminated in a coarse concrete&brick planter box. That I hit at great speed. Are you noticing a trend developing here?

    5. Brought hawt seckz to a gut-busting halt by accidentally quoting Strongbad’s Liddle Brudder sketch

    6. Accidentally turned down the Woodstock Cola&Bourbon calendar girl without realizing it until about halfway home >.<

    7. Introduced myself to a class of philosophy students by detailing my man-crush on Nietzsche

    8. Was sexually molested by my first female friend, who was a delightful girl of some vaguely Asian orientation (oh gawd that was terrible even by MY standards) a few years my senior. I regret that I was too young for this experience to have been of any real benefit. I know it's probably not that rare, but being a guy, the usual response to this is "Niceeee" so I'm classing it as different from the less enjoyable forms.
    It's basically been downhill since

    9. Been the editor of a wargaming webzine… right before the site/community that hosted it died. This is the most masturbatory thing you can do without actually sexually gratifying yourself.

    10. Sucked Justin Chancellor's dick… okay so that never actually happened, but I got his autograph, which is considerably rarer.

    I suck at these =(

  8. Dee
    December 23rd, 2010 @ 12:44 pm

    Wendy – That comic cracked me up!

    The only one who organises orgies in my living room is me, Gabe – but I might wrangle you an invitation …

    ménage, I can concerned at the damage you do to yourself. Also, quoting Strongbad really has to be done at the right time! And #10 cracked me up.

    xx Dee

  9. Catharine
    August 14th, 2011 @ 5:18 pm

    I just read this post now; it’s quite a list – sexy and funny and interesting and sad. and you’re right, I’ve not done any of them.

    Just how loud were you discussing fisting in Wendy’s??

  10. Dee
    August 16th, 2011 @ 12:58 pm

    I didn’t think we were discussing it that loudly! Loud enough for someone to complain, obviously. Good thing we’d finished eating and were just sucking on our milkshakes by that point …

    xx Dee

  11. Catharine
    August 18th, 2011 @ 3:53 pm

    I can’t believe someone would complain! I don’t think I’ll ever get kicked out of a Wendy’s for discussion fisting, for various reasons, including we don’t have them over here (Wendy’s, not fists…)


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