Posted on | September 5, 2010 | 7 Comments |

Because I’m a curious person, I get to wondering about how sexual the previous generations of my family were.

(This isn’t as weird as it sounds. My parents are dead. All grandparents bar one are dead. And the greats? Long gone.)

Obviously they were sexual enough to reproduce, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. That goes for the ancestors of most everyone on the planet. But were they happy? Did they smile, or ‘think of England‘? Did they have relations because it was part of marriage and  expected of them, or necessary to survive, or did they take pleasure – and give pleasure – and feel joy in coming together?

There’s a lot of awesome vintage porn and erotica out there, so some folks were having a blast! But what about mine?

Did my mother masturbate? Chances are good – she tried, unsuccessfully, to help me purchase a vibrator when I was in my late teens. That said, she really had no idea where to go, and was looking in pharmacies.

Did my father masturbate? Chances are also good – every year he purchased the January Playboy (or was it the December one?) that had the best of the previous year. He hid them in the back of his wardrobe, but in a box on the floor. Not the safest with curious teens! His second wife probably threw them away, which is a shame, as I never found them after he died. He also had a soft spot for the rude cartoons that appears in them, and had a pile of cheap paperbacks which collected them. I managed to snag those before they were lost, and still love reading them.

Did they find pleasure together? I fear that they did not. I hope that I am wrong (but a few thing my mother said in the months before she died, once married for a second time? I think she struck out in both marriages). I mean really, sleeping naked – something I definitely inherited – and on a waterbed – something I didn’t – has to mean something, right?

I know even less about my grandparents. I want to think of them (as I want to think of everyone) as sexual people. It’s just hard to reconcile with the teachers, the preachers, the seniors that I looked up to as I grew up. Still, age can be irrelevant to sex and pleasure. My grandmother had a good look through the recent catalogue of sex toys and pleasure products I had sitting on the coffee table a few visits back…

I’m set to wondering because today is Father’s Day here in New Zealand. My dad is fourteen years gone next week, and Father’s Day was one of the very last times I saw him alive, as I visited him in the hospice. He looked like a saint – gaunt and drawn and very thin – and was definitely not far from dying.

Later today I’m going to pick up my terminally ill brother – who I know all too well has had no sex drive, or life, at all for a number of years now (poor bastard) – from the same hospice. His daughter isn’t coming down to see him today (although I know she wants to).  So we’re going to a movie together instead, and spending some quality time.

It’s not orgasmic pleasure. But it’s important for me, and him, and family. I just hope that’s not what my ancestors settled for.

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7 Responses to “Ancestors”

  1. Lucius Scribbens
    September 6th, 2010 @ 9:11 am

    I’ve often wondered the same myself. I know my parents were very sexual people (my mom passed 8 years ago, my biological father 27 years ago and my step-dad is still alive). My step-dad is still very sexually active at 71, and dating all the time, usually women 15 years plus younger than him. I know my parents had a “don’t ask don’t tell” kind of open relationship also.

    My grandparents? My mom’s side not so much I think. It was an arranged marriage and although they seemed happy together in their later years I don’t see sex for them being much more than procreating.

    On my step-dad’s side I think his mom had a standing hall pass. My grandfather had polio as a child and although they had four children together, I don’t know how active their sex life was. But my grandmother was very active in women’s reproductive rights in the 1950’s through the time she was not “all here” before her death. In her last couple of months she started telling stories of orgies with certain people of local prominence. We don’t know if the stories were real or not, but even so they were a pretty good view into the inner workings of her sexual being.

  2. Iona
    September 6th, 2010 @ 9:49 pm

    My favourite story is of when my parents were staying with my sister and sleeping on her 1970s fold out couch. There was an almighty crash…everyone ok? Yeah, all ok.

    In the morning they confessed they broke it “doing the horizontal rhumba”.

    All of their kids love this story. 😀

    I think times have changed as growing up I didn’t remember my parents every exchanging any sort of romantic physical affection until I was 13…not to say it wasn’t there but I just didn’t notice. Sexuality was all rather repressed; at least it felt like it to me. But then, I think I am more slutty than the rest of my biological family. :p

  3. Miss Magenta
    September 8th, 2010 @ 2:03 am

    Hmmmm…never really thought about it although i know for a fact that my parents and grantparents were sexual people. My mum’s one of 6 and my dad’s one of 4 and while my mum had remarried, dad’s had a very active dating life. I’ve grown up quite sheltered when it comes to sex- as far as both my parents were concerned I didn’t need to know about it because I wasn’t having it any time soon (hehehehehhe!) but yeah, I guess my parents and grandparents are sexual people. My mixed heritage shows that my ancestors basically bedhopped aorund Europe too so hahaha!

    In regards to your brother, *hugs*. I’m glad to see you’re spending time with him.

    xx MM

  4. nitebyrd
    September 9th, 2010 @ 1:25 pm

    I also often wonder about my mother’s sex life. She was married 4 times and always had a man in her life but she didn’t seem like she would like sex!

    It’s good you’re going to spend some time with your brother. ♥

  5. Dee
    September 13th, 2010 @ 10:14 pm

    Your comments are all awesome. Thank you for sharing, all of you!

    xx Dee

  6. Laura
    September 20th, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

    My distaste for my biological parents makes me shy away from imagining any kind of intimacy between them. My foster parents, however, the ones who actually loved and cared for me, I am happy to report have a happy and active sex life, as did my foster grandparents before my grandmother passed away. Admittedly, when my parents make sexual references, I, along with my foster siblings, shudder in pretend revulsion, but secretly it gives me a warm feeling inside to know that two people I love so much, who have been the most amazing parents a girl could ask for, have that kind joy in their lives.

    It has always saddened me to imagine my ancestors who didn’t have this…those who, as you say, “thought of England” and those whose desires for members of their own sex were verboten and so were resigned either to lives of shame, celibacy or passionless intercourse.

    I am so sorry that you are facing the loss of your brother, and that his illness takes him away from you bit by bit. You are made of the awesome and bad things ought not happen to you and those you love.

    I have been awfully busy and fallen behind on reading your blog…so glad I have a few moments tonight to indulge in my fangirl crush…

  7. Dee
    September 21st, 2010 @ 4:18 pm

    Laura, thank you so much for your comment (you’re crushing? *blushes*). I know what you mean about the pretend revulsion – and how it really was pretend.

    xx Dee


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