Nooooo [pause] babeeeez for meeeeee…!
Why the refrain? Well, it’s because a) I don’t want to have children, b) I’ve never wanted to have children, and c) my gynaecologist has known me long enough that he’s agreed to d) get me and permanent contraception hooked up. In other words e) sterilised.
Response from the cheap seats (ie: mine): Yay! Followed by singing and the no-babies-butt-wriggling-dance.
I wrote recently about the not-wanting-to-breed thing, and how it’s just not understood by a lot of people (read: extended family). It is, however, something that Apollo and I are in complete agreement on, and have been since we met. So on Monday I took him with me to my gynae appointment. Agenda: smear; follow-up colposcopy; discussion of permanent contraceptive measures.
It was almost funny how we both sat there while my very nice specialist made it extra-very-totally clear that the procedure we were discussing was, for all intents and purposes, permanent and irreversible, and was I sure I didn’t just want another IUD in case I changed my mind? Of course, Apollo backed me up 100%, and that fact that he’s planning to get a vasectomy doesn’t change a thing: we both have other partners, and neither of us particularly desire to contribute our genetic material to a child (Apollo was asked last year to be a sperm donor for a friend, but for a number of reasons that didn’t go ahead. Although he would make very pretty children, neither of us want to raise them!).
I’ve known since I was about thirteen that I didn’t want kids. Twenty-odd years later, that hasn’t changed. If I get six years down the track from now and suddenly *boom* want them, then a) our relationship will need a lot of work to stay steady, and b) we can damned well adopt instead. I know I want this.
So, what is it that I’m getting? Methods of sterilisation have changed over the years – there’s no need for a hysterectomy, or even to get my tubes tied. These days it’s a simple operation where you’re in and out in a few hours, there’s only a local anaesthetic, and you don’t even get cut at all – it’s all done up through the vaginal canal!
It’s called Essure. Pretty much it’s targeted at women who’ve had children but don’t want any more, but hey – when did I ever fall neatly into a target group? If they aimed it at ‘kinky poly people who don’t want to breed thank you’ they probably wouldn’t get quite the same sales …
How Essure works is this: two of those micro-inserts you can see in the pic above (made from polyester fibre, nickel-titanium, and soft stainless steel) are inserted using a hysteroscope (so, through the vagina and cervix) into the fallopian tubes. A natural barrier then forms around them over the next few weeks, which prevents any sperm from reaching any eggs. Eggs are still released, but can’t get to the womb (or the sperm), so are reabsorbed into the body. I’ll still have periods, but I can cope with that. It’s the no-babies which is the point!
The effectiveness rate is 99.8%. I like those numbers. Not cutting me open? I like that too. No need to take hormones? Even better.
So my gynaecologist is making me a procedure date. I get tiny rods inside me. And never need to worry about pregnancy again.
Can you guess how happy this makes me?