I received my first caning today.
Canes scare me, and for a long time have been on the hard limit ‘do not want’ part of my BDSM checklist. But, as with many things that scare me, canes also have the power to intrigue me. When visiting expos and sex shops I’d find myself approaching the canes on display, brushing them gently with my fingertips, feeling their smooth coolness. I’d look upon the different styles, weights, widths and lengths, and all would sing siren songs of pain to me – but I would back away, unwilling to be tempted.
But when I went on a sex shop binge with Aphrodite recently (five sex shops in two hours – one of those posts I just haven’t gotten around to writing), I saw the cane that I knew was for me. Did it pick me, or did I pick it? It’s not long – about a foot – and not narrow – about the thickness of a piece of chalk. Not too whippy, not too light. A good place to start, if one is going to embark on a scary journey with pieces of wood that sting!
I spent a few weeks looking at the cane. Holding it, feeling it. Aphrodite tested it out (gently) on the soles of my feet. I didn’t freak out, turn around and return it to the store – somehow it seemed that this was a toy that I wasn’t going to return. But, of course, I hadn’t actually had it used on me. The test was yet to come.
Today I saw Helios, my occasional lover and Dom, for the first time this year (oh boy – it has been too long). He’s long known about my fear of canes, and teased and tormented me about it. And today, he got to introduce me to them.
Here are my thoughts about my caning session, succinctly put: OW. *cries* OW. *whimpers* OW. *weeps* OW. *desperately wants to come*
(It hurt like a bastard. But I knew it would, and Helios had made sure I was very aware it would. What I didn’t know what that it would turn me on as much as it hurt me. Not that it surprises me, in retrospect.)
My conclusion, reached a few hours later as I sit gingerly in my computer chair, is this: I loved it, I hated it. I want it some more – just not until this lot heals up. I’m not scared away … although I’m still cautious. And I’ve broken the fear – although not the cane!