Media Sexualities

Posted on | July 5, 2007 | 13 Comments |

This is what happens when I spend the day in bed reading an amazing book by Ursula K. LeGuin, The Birthday of the World, full of short stories that cover many permutations of relationship, sexuality, society and norm. It gets me thinking about people. It gets me thinking about sex. And it gets me thinking about people and their attitudes towards sex.

Unsurprisingly, I think that sex is great fun with willing and communicative partners. And I think violence is bad, unless it’s in a Safe, Sane and Consensual environment (in which case I don’t think of it as ‘violence’, per say, even though it may appear so to those outside the scene).

I don’t care who people are attracted to, or who they choose to share Happy Naked Fun Time with, provided all parties are happy to be there (ie: no children, no animals, no people unable to express consent). So, I say, all hail homo, hetero, bi, pan, omni, multi-sexualities. All hail the entire spectrum of kinkiness, from non to very. All hail openness, expressiveness, and ability to talk and listen to same.

It has perplexed me for many years that censors come down so heavily in sex/love scenes in movies and television shows, and yet often do not do the same for violence. I’m a fan of thrillers and the like – I really enjoy seeing Captain Jack fleeing cannibals or John McClane getting scraped and bruised as he takes down the bad guys. But movies based on real violence – war movies, movies set during war times (I still regret watching Captain Corelli’s Mandolin), movies depicting violence (and often death) that I know actually happened – well, those distress me. And yet they’re out there and they’re an accepted part of culture and they’re popular.

Sex, less so. Porn, sure. Porn’s everywhere, and I’m a big fan of it – especially the less crap options (Susie Bright has an excellent second blog running, Random Honest Porn Review, where people review porn flicks. Check it out). But depictions of sex and their many, many permutations? More often what we get is a sanitized, Hollywoodised, under-the-sheets or still wearing underwear, pale imitation of the real thing.

So – the point of this post – bravo to the European Commission for popping this online. This, I’d like to see more of.

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13 Responses to “Media Sexualities”

  1. Hank
    July 5th, 2007 @ 3:58 pm

    coming together is always fun!

  2. Curvaceous Dee
    July 5th, 2007 @ 8:54 pm

    It certainly is, Hank – you’ll get no argument from me!

    xx Dee

  3. Gillette
    July 7th, 2007 @ 12:50 am

    GAAA…I wanted it to slow down to remember which films these came from. I know I’ve seen lots of them….GAAAAAA…..

  4. Curvaceous Dee
    July 8th, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    Yes Gillette, I want to know as well, as a few of them look familiar to me. Hopefully someone will geek out and put the list on the intertubes for us …

    xx Dee

  5. Droplet
    July 8th, 2007 @ 5:12 am


    I agree with you on every front. The last movie that I saw that completely freaked me out on all levels was Amistad. Why? It was just awful. Real, awful shit that my fucking ancestors were fucking involved in. And every guy walking out of every movie like this, not seeing that this was horrifying, shithail violence to watch like porn will tell you that it’s good because it’s real.


    The truth is that guys in general, and believe me, I love them heart and soul for what they are and not what they could be, are obsessed with how far they would go and what they could put up with and how they would make out in a fight, but girls see this as Guys Making Trouble and would like them to cut out all this head-in-a-vise-because-you-can business. I can’t watch this shit. I see it as


    Much rather have the cock up the anything.

  6. Curvaceous Dee
    July 8th, 2007 @ 5:20 am

    Hi Droplet!

    but girls see this as Guys Making Trouble and would like them to cut out all this head-in-a-vise-because-you-can business – ain’t that the truth! And it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels that way.

    Incidentally, I saw at the movies last night that Die Hard 4.0 is about to come out, and I didn’t even know they were making another one! I don’t mind seeing McClane blowing up some shit…

    But I’d rather have the cock up the anything as well :)

    xx Dee

  7. Alex
    July 8th, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    Loved the video clip, and I agree with your thoughts – Why is violence ok but nudity/sex/sexuality is not? What is more disturbing – simulated gunshot wounds and buckets of fake blood, or artfully lit heaving bosoms?

    I know which ones I like to see :)


  8. Droplet
    July 8th, 2007 @ 5:28 am

    Actually, the third Die Hard movie kicked ass. I’m not against unrealistic violence done in the name of good. I’m against all of it put out as a lesson for our own good.

    I think of 911. I worked a double that day and the Hispanic stations were showing live suicides. All the guys in the restaurant were very, very interested and in the kitchen watching.

    I asked, “You guys ever heard of a snuff film?”

    They looked at me like I was the one with the problem. To me, those people were someone’s son, daughter or whatever having the most private moment ever. And not a good one.


    MaClane blowing shit up? Okay!!

  9. Curvaceous Dee
    July 8th, 2007 @ 5:28 am

    Alex, I have a cunning suspicion that what you like to see is what I like to see!

    xx Dee

  10. Silent-Porn-Star
    July 11th, 2007 @ 12:26 am

    I love the rest of your post, and agree as well; so I have nothing insightful to add to that. However…

    LeGuin was a friend of Tiptree (aka Alice B. Sheldon) and both were published in some anthologies togther — and I am nearly done with one now 😉

  11. Curvaceous Dee
    July 12th, 2007 @ 7:52 pm

    Always a pleasure to get a comment from you, Silent Porn Star!

    I’ve read a fair bit of LeGuin (and am pleased to own quite a few of her works), but not many of her short stories, and certainly no anthologies with Alice B. Sheldon. Looks like I’m going to have to hunt them down!

    What’s the name of the one you’re reading, out of curiosity?

    xx Dee

  12. *Witch*
    July 19th, 2007 @ 5:38 pm

    All hail Curvy Dee for being a voice of reason on the subject. If more people shared our attitude about sex the world would be a happier place. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  13. Curvaceous Dee
    July 20th, 2007 @ 10:23 am

    Thank you so much, Witch (a lovely username, by the way – Aphrodite goes by the same, sometimes)!

    It is nice to be seen as the voice of reason – but when it comes to sex and sexualities, I feel that portraying it as something dirty and wrong (as opposed to dirtywrong, which is so much fun) is not a helpful perception to have in our society.

    xx Dee


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