I like anniversaries. Well, the good ones, anyhow – anniversaries of deaths, for example, I generally don’t hold out high hopes for (and there are, sadly, too many of those anniversaries noted in my calendar). But, generally speaking, among the best anniversaries are those celebrating when I first became intimate with, seduced, or was fucked by a lover.
Apollo and I get to celebrate twice each year – we joyfully remember the day I seduced him at the end of Easter, and now also our Civil Union anniversary in May. Adonis and I will have our first one later this year, when the Erotica Expo comes back to Auckland – and we’re both looking forward to that. And Aphrodite? Well, Aphrodite and I got together a year ago yesterday. Time for a celebration?
June 2006. She and I had been friends for a while, having met at a play party and gotten along well. So when the Craft Show came to town, and she and I and our friend Kiana all wanted to go, it seemed like a great idea! We took the afternoon off from work and studying, drove to the Events Centre, and had fun shopping. Afterwards we dropped Kiana back, and when I got back to Aphrodite’s house … well, she invited me in. An invitation which, after a swift phone call to Apollo, I accepted.
Now it’s a year later. The Craft Show is back in town. And I wanted to do something a little special for Aphrodite. Not make a big deal out of it (that’s for her birthday, later this month), but show her that I’d remembered and that it was an important day for me. A card, a small present, and a trip to the Craft Show – just the two of us this time.
The afternoon went really well, and we spent a few hours browsing and buying and having fun. I’d planned earlier that I would stay at their place for about an hour and a half after getting back, to allow the traffic to settle before heading home to Apollo. And, I admit, I had my hopes up a little. I was hoping for some intimacy, hoping for some special time for the two of us to re-connect a little.
We don’t have sex much, she and I. Maybe five times in the year we’ve been together? And it’s not for lack of desire on my part – I adore kissing her, touching her, and tasting her. But her drive is variable, and her desire is variable, and her wants are variable. And, to be, frank, she doesn’t think of me much. It’s about what she wants, when she wants it – which has taken me a while to figure out.
I take rejection easily – it doesn’t bother me all that much, and I bounce back really easily from it. So it’s taken a year of my intimations being shot down, my overtures being ignored, or my suggestions being slighted before I’ve started to feel the cuts. Five times in a year? Three of those times with Adonis (which isn’t a complaint… that’s special, but it’s more about the two of them than about me)? It’s not much.
And in those five times, she’s gone down on me once. Fingered me twice. I do the work, and it’s rewarding work and I love it, and I don’t give in order to get. But … some getting would be nice.
So anyway. Our anniversary. We get back to their house. My hopes are up, a little. And … nothing. Less than nothing. She doesn’t even share a couch with me, but sits in a single chair, gets engrossed in a book, and completely ignores me.
I cry in the toilet for ten minutes before I leave. No one notices.
I cry in the car all the way to picking up Apollo from work. Apollo does notice, and tries to make me feel better, although understanding completely why I feel this way.
She says she loves me to bits – said as much in the car yesterday. But she doesn’t think of me at all.
Guess it’s not all happy fun-times in Dee-land. I miss the girl-sex (oh, I miss it!). But I miss Aphrodite more.